Has Spring Sprung?

They say that you should write about what you know..

A warm, gentle breeze,
Could Spring finally be here?
It's about damn time!

Watch it snow next week.

Bad Haiku

This week's theme, if you couldn't already guess, is...

Bad Haiku

What about? Anything. It just has to be bad and it has to be a haiku. That means following the 5/7/5 structure. Good luck and bad writing!

How Romantic!

We have a winner, folks! The best-- never mind that it was the only-- submission this week was from the one and only Corgan Dane!

Mary really liked love, and basically she wanted some. 'Cause, well, she didn't get any. She hoped someday maybe a tall, dark stranger with lots of money and an arse like two scoops of butter-pecan ice cream would come along. Of course, the new gardener was pretty cute, and he had that charming accent. Nothing said "lovin'" like getting smacked on the rump and called Susie!

Indeed, Corgan, nothin' says lovin' like getting smacked on the rump and called Susie.

Why don't y'all stop by Corgy's webcomic (Many Tidings Grim) and marvel at the Daisy-fearing alien, Klik?

Sigh...

She stood on the cliff's edge, the breeze blowing through her shiny tresses, the taste of sea salt dancing on her pink scruffy tongue, the single warm tear trolling down her cheek and she thought, "Roderigo, Roderigo, why didn't you tell me about the other women, the other men, the half-full bottle of laundry detergent; why, if I were to step off this precipice right now, would you care, would you cry at my funeral, or would you shack up with Lisbeth, Flora, Humberto and Downy All Temperature Delicates and forget you'd ever heard the name Carlotta?"

The Bodice Ripper

Ye gods, but it's been ages since I've read a romance novel...

"Well, damn and damn again," Vivenka muttered testily as branch snagged and ripped part of her bodice as she wandered, hopelessly lost in the woods, searching for her beloved horse who threw her after being frightened by what appeared to be a snake but upon further inspection only turned out to be a bit of rubber tubing which she'd thrown down with disgust before stomping off hot-headedly, as was her way, and wound up as she was now, bedragged, muddied, and desperately hoping to avoid her impending loveless arranged marriage with the most ruthlessly cold Count D'Orazio who held her family's company, and their livelihood, in the palm of his long, elegant, yet very masculine, hand.

...they're always good for a laugh.

ah...l'amour

To hell with the both of them.

It's spring time, the birds and the bees, the wind through the trees, flowers and candy and all that good stuff. Of course, bee stings can kill you, pollen can make you sick and if those damn birds would just shut the fuck up, maybe you could get an extra half-hour's sleep. Face it, spring sucks, love sucks, and what better way to celebrate that which makes us the most miserable than with more miserable prose? This week's theme is the opening line of a romance novel.

Once upon a time...

Once upon a time, in a land much like this one--except for the, you know, beasties and critters and such; and the vague smell of bubble gum in the air; and the tiny folk flying on gossamer wings, who'd set up shopping malls made out of feathers and dandelions; and Ted, the incontinent dragon... ...maybe it wasn't much like this one at all, but it was a land, once upon a time.

Hansel and Gretel Unplugged

I know, I know. I didn't do Alice in Wonderland. Rather shocking, isn't it? But this is something I'd always felt needed to be addressed. It was either this or put Gretel on a low carb diet.

Gretel wondered if her brother, Hansel, had been dropped on the head one too many times after he suggested leaving a trail of bread crumbs and not only wasting the only food they had, but leaving a very edible trail for any voracious creature of the forest to find them and, in all likelyhood, eat them.

Not that many voracious animals follow bread crumbs, but really.. Bread crumbs? Not the best idea.

A Grimm and Grisly Tale

And so it comes, the "theme" for this week's exercise in truly bad writing. You've waited all week for this, haven't you? You wondered "What else can these people possibly butcher? How much lower can they go?" Wonder no longer. This week, we will be massacring.....

Children's Fairy Tales

I know, I know. We're soulless heathens. We like it and I'm quite sure you do, too. Stay tuned, kiddies, it's going to be a bumpy ride this week.

A Submission!

I'm happily surprised! We got a submission! And since it was the only one, it's the best one.

Corgan Dane wrote:

Jeremy felt a bit scared when he saw the slimy, slithering thing waddling toward his legs. He wasn't sure if it reminded him of his aunt Wanda, but he was sure, that it reminded him of her squid and lentil soup...and that was terrifying. With a bit of a whimpering, moan-ish thing, he started to run, but fell down, because the thing was yanking like a hurdy-gurdy on his right ankle, which was bad, due to an old water polo injury.

So everyone go visit good ol' Stinky at his webcomic-- since he's never at his blog. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll marvel at the smoking, talking skull.

something wicked

It lurked in places goodly men were nary to walk, among discarded tissues, coated in sick and snot, long forgotten in crevices littered with dirty socks and wasted dreams; it waited there now, slobbering, waiting.

Poor Roberta

I told you I wouldn't be able to resist...

As she stood, Roberta felt something cold and clammy wrap itself around her ankle and was reminded of her day trip to the beach earlier that day in which, as she waded in the water with the sun beating down on her shoulders, a rather long strand of seaweed had managed to wind itself around her ankle disturbing the almost zen-like peace that the warmth of the sun and the soothing sounds of the ocean had induced, only this was far more disturbing than a piece of seaweed since it was a hand reaching out to her from underneath her bed and wouldn't be as easily removed.

Bask in my awfulness and feel free to add your own.

Oh, the horror!

This week's theme was selected by J. I'm posting on his behalf because he's trapped at work. On a Sunday. Doesn't that suck? Poor J. Let us have a moment of silence for him.

Ok, that's enough of that. This week's theme for our bad writing exercise is..... Horror/Suspense.

Oooh.. Ahh.. Exciting, isn't it? Now we don't want this to be just for the two of us. Nooo.. We want you-- yes, you!-- to join us in our little game or whatever it is. To do so, you can either submit your little bit of badness in the comments below here or you can send it via email. There's a link at the right there. No, your other right. Yes, there. If you do submit via email, please let us know who you are and where your blog is (if you have one). J and I will each pick our favorite out of those submitted. Sorry, no prizes. Just the wonderful feeling of a job well-- or badly, in this case-- done. You'll get a link back in our post just for bragging rights. (Aren't we just full of ourselves?)

The deadline to submit is Saturday. We'll post some time during the week. I'll probably post early because I'm like an over-excited chihuahua with a bladder control problem. I can't hold it in, people. And I hope you can't either!

Once upon a time...

There was a girl with a dream. A dream to write awesomely bad, cringe-worthy and-- hopefully-- funny (in the laughing at, not with sense) mini-stories. Or paragraphs. Or maybe a sentence here and there. It's all rather vague as of yet, but should shape up into something truly awful.

Keeping fingers crossed.